Sunday, September 2, 2007

The 6th Annual Stepfanie Kramer Look-Alike Contest

If you're a woman between the ages of 15 and 60, keep reading because this could be your ticket to Hollywood!

Each year, the Roanoke Civic Center and Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips are proud to present the Stepfanie Kramer Look-Alike Contest. Contestants have a chance at winning fabulous prizes and get to meet some terrific celebrities.

The rules are simple: just look like Stepfanie Kramer. This involves a lot of makeup, preferably Wet-N-Wild from your local Dollar General Store. Make sure the emphasis is on heavy, heavy eyeliner. Miss Kramer told us she used to use Magic Marker.

Now that you've got the makeup, how about that hair? A half bottle of mousse will keep your bangs sticking straight up in the air and lots of cheap, flaky hairspray will "heighten" the effect.

Top this off with some big earrings, pleated pants that practically ride up under your armpits and a Kmart silk shirt. That's a smart look for the young woman on the go!

This year's celebrity judges represent the tops in the entertainment field. Irlene Mandrell, Billy Mays, H.R. Pufnstuf and Markie Post will rate and review the contestants. There will also be a tribute to longtime judge Charles Nelson Reilly, who passed away this year and is now mincing away somewhere in heaven. Miss Mandrell will sing a version of her sister's hit "If Loving You Isn't Right, I Don't Wish To Be Incorrect" as the choir from the Church Of the Golden Fried Prophecy sings "Don't Ride On the Lord's Bus If You Ain't Got Correct Change".

We apologize to contestants for the absence of longtime judge Loretta Swit. There was an unfortunate incident last year when she threw a used Depends on the stage, tripping Miss Stepfanie Kramer Look-Alike Betty Sue Bojangles of Crump, Tennessee. Swit is not allowed within the confines of the Star City anymore.

Aside from makeup, clothes and running in high heels, contestants will be judged for how they react when a male bursts in on them taking a bath. This scene is in the "Hunter" credits. If you can't find a willing guy to surprise you, how about Dad?

Contestants will compete for a date at Bennihana with Fred Dryer (who always likes a happy ending!), the complete 4th season of "Hunter" on VHS as recorded by someone in Springfield, Massachusetts, a ten dollar gift certificate to the Bonanza restaurant of your choice and the grand prize, a semi-mint condition 1984 Dodge Daytona.

Good luck, and knock them dead!

Note: Pageant is not endorsed by Stepfanie Kramer. $1,000 entrance fee due at audition day. Winners are chosen solely on their blowjob skills. Void where prohibited by hygiene laws.

No comments: